Destroyed & Restored - The Baron's Courageous Wife Read online

  “Why not?”

  “Because−”

  “Believe me, it’ll be liberating.” His grin dared her. “You’ll feel so much better if you simply−”

  “Give me the blasted book!” The moment the words left her lips, Adelaide clasped both hands over her mouth, heat rising to her cheeks. Her eyes were wide as were her husband’s, and for a long quiet moment, they simply stared at one another.

  Then he broke out laughing. He laughed so hard that a tear ran down his cheek.

  Ashamed, Adelaide turned away, unable to believe that he had been able to bait her thus. Always had she thought herself in control. She had to be. If she lost it, the consequences would be unthinkable.

  “Don’t hide,” he urged, his voice gentle as he stepped around her, blocking her escape. “I’m proud of you. I did not mean to laugh about you. I was only so relieved to see you angry, to see these emotions bubbling out of you.”

  Trying to hide her face in her hands, Adelaide barely heard a word he said. All she could think of was her lack of control and what it would mean for her future. Only when a warm hand came to rest on her shoulder did she look up…

  …and into her husband’s green eyes, soft and gentle and kind.

  His hand moved from her shoulder, and she could feel the gentle caress of his fingertips as they slid across her cheek, brushing away a tear she had not even known was there. “I’m proud of you,” he said once more, his voice serious and without humour. “You’re magnificent when you’re angry. I’ve never seen you more alive.”

  Staring up at him, Adelaide finally understood why he was trying to anger her. It had been so long that she had felt her heart beating in such a way, her body fuelled into action, strong and confident. And he was right. It did feel good. Liberating.

  But was it safe?

  “Here, take the book,” her husband said, once more holding it out to her.

  Adelaide opened her mouth to respond, felt the need to do so rise in her like a reflex, something without thought.

  But he stopped her.

  “I promise I won’t pull it away. You have my word.”

  Exhaling a slow breath, Adelaide swallowed, trying her best to regain her composure. Then she reached out, half-expecting him to pull it away, and found her fingers close round the book’s spine.

  “See?” he said, his own hand still curled around the other side.

  “Thank you.” Pulling on her end of the book, Adelaide found him unwilling to relinquish his. He held on, and her eyes narrowed when a teasing grin came to his lips. Before she knew what was happening, her hand yanked on the book, throwing him off balance and propelling him toward her.

  Her husband’s other arm came around her middle, holding her to him as he sought to regain his balance, his breath warm as it brushed over the side of her face.

  Adelaide stilled as she felt his embrace. No one had held her like this, not since…

  Moving back a little, her husband looked down at her, his arm still holding her to him while his other hand held on to the book…as did hers.

  “You promised,” Adelaide whispered, not knowing where to direct her eyes while his studied her face with such intensity. “You said you wouldn’t−”

  “I didn’t,” he interrupted, his voice teasing as he finally released the book. “You did. You pulled. Not me.”

  Adelaide inhaled a deep breath, overwhelmed by his nearness. “You tricked me,” she whispered, feeling her skin crawl in a rather unfamiliar and surprisingly pleasant way. “Why? To make me angry again?”

  At her question, the teasing grin vanished and her husband’s face sobered. He swallowed, and she could see a hint of nervousness in his green eyes before they dropped from hers and travelled downward to briefly linger on her lips.

  Adelaide drew in a sharp breath.

  A moment later, his gaze was back on hers, and she could feel both his arms pulling her closer against him. “One day,” he whispered, lowering his head to hers, “I will ask you for a kiss…but not today.”

  Adelaide’s heart skipped a beat, and she dimly wondered why.

  “Not before I can be certain,” he continued, “that you have the courage to refuse me if that is your wish.” For another long moment, his gaze held hers before he finally stepped away, his arms releasing her. “One day,” he repeated, and then he turned and walked away.

  Minutes passed, and Adelaide was still staring at the door through which her husband had left, desperately trying to catch her breath. It seemed anger was not the only emotion that made her feel alive, and try as she might, she could not keep a deliciously smitten smile from showing on her face.

  Fortunately, her husband was nowhere in sight or she was certain he would have revelled in his triumph.

  Still, Adelaide had to admit that it had been a long time since she had felt anything resembling the emotion her husband had stirred within her that afternoon. Never had she expected to feel it again. Never had she thought herself capable.

  It would seem she had been wrong.

  Her hands trembled, and she wrapped them more tightly around the book he had finally returned to her, realising that part of what she felt was disappointment.

  Despite her initial attempts to avoid him, Adelaide realised that she had come to enjoy her husband’s company. She could not deny that the way he smiled at her, the way he treated her as though there was nothing and no one more important than her affected her.

  And now he had held her.

  Always had he kept his distance, careful not to touch her, and then today he had tricked her into his arms. Indeed, there was a bit of a devious streak in him, and yet, it was tempered by kindness and respect. It did not frighten her.

  Shock her.

  Surprise her.

  But not frighten her.

  Recalling his last words to her before he had walked out the door, Adelaide felt a shiver run over her and she wondered when the day would come that he would ask her for a kiss. For even now, she knew that she would not be able to refuse him. Not out of fear, but out of curiosity.

  What would his kiss feel like?

  Chapter Twenty – A Stroll in Hyde Park

  After another short visit from her mother and grandmother, Adelaide found herself strolling through Hyde Park with Lady Elton two days later. The sun was shining, the world was filling with different shades of green and cheerful chatter hung in the air, mingling with the first calls of spring. And yet, Adelaide was lost in thought.

  “There is something on your mind,” Lady Elton observed, a teasing grin on her face as she stopped to meet Adelaide’s gaze. “Tell me.”

  Adelaide swallowed, then licked her lips, unable to put into words what currently occupied her mind.

  “Is it about Matthew?”

  At the sound of his given name, Adelaide blushed, feeling emotions rush to the surface that only recently had made themselves known to her.

  “I see,” Lady Elton observed with a twinkle in her eye. “Can I assume that married life is treating you well? That Matthew is treating you well?”

  Adelaide nodded. “He is.”

  “You sound surprised?”

  “I…” How was she to explain what she could not quite understand herself? Lately, the mere mention of her husband seemed to have the strangest effect on her.

  “You’ve come to care for him, have you not?” Lady Elton exclaimed, joy on her face like that of a child finding a jar full of biscuits.

  Feeling her heart tighten in her chest at Lady Elton’s observation, Adelaide quickened her pace, her thoughts racing to find something to say. “Why…?” She swallowed, belatedly realising that Lady Elton had fallen behind. When she had caught up, Adelaide asked, “Would you mind telling me…? May I ask why…?”

  “Why what?” Lady Elton prompted, her blue eyes holding kind amusement. Not the kind that thought it a sport to make fun of others’ embarrassments, but the kind that teased out of affection.

  Again, Adelaide swallowed. “Wh
y did you ask…Matthew for help when Grandmother and I came to you? Why him?” For weeks now, Adelaide had wondered about that. Had it simply been for the reason that he was family to them? That they trusted him? Gritting her teeth, Adelaide willed her traitorous heart to keep silent and not whisper the small hope that had begun blossoming in her heart ever since…

  Oh, she could not quite say since when, but it was there, whether she admitted to it or not.

  Lady Elton sighed, all amusement leaving her eyes, replaced by a sadder emotion. “After realising his father’s betrayal, Matthew lost his way. Even before then, all he did was strive for his father’s approval. To make matters worse, he had to face the fact that he had been his father’s pawn, and to a man like Matthew, who deep down has a strong sense of right and wrong, that was devastating.” A soft smile came to Lady Elton’s face. “I didn’t know him that well then, but I’ve come to know him since, and I can see that he was misled like my husband was. And yet he still blames himself.”

  Listening intently, Adelaide wondered about the gentle, teasing man she had come to know in the past few days. The man who feared to become like his father while at the same time striving to restore her sense of safety, security…and respect.

  “No one blames him for what happened,” Lady Elton continued. “His father betrayed him as much as us, but Matthew still cannot forgive himself. It does not seem to matter that we do not hold him accountable. He does and continues to do so. He feels the need to prove himself, to prove his loyalty, to prove that he is a man different than his father.”

  “That is why you asked for his help?” Adelaide asked, feeling her heart sink for a reason that could only be foolish. “To help him?”

  For a moment, Lady Elton’s watchful gaze lingered on Adelaide’s face, and she quickly returned her own to the far horizon. With her eyes fixed on the nearing treeline, Adelaide heard Lady Elton inhale a deep breath, a touch of amusement in her voice. “I admit it was not the sole reason.”

  Unable not to, Adelaide turned to look at Lady Elton, hoping her curiosity to learn more was not written all over her face.

  Lady Elton’s smile, however, said that it was. “Ever since I became aware of your father’s intention to marry you off to the highest bidder,” shaking her head, she rolled her eyes, “I’ve been thinking about who a good match for you would be. After all, it was clear that you would not be safe from his schemes unless you got married.” Stopping, she held Adelaide’s gaze. “I’ve noticed the way he looked at you, the way he always stopped to listen whenever your name was mentioned, the way he did not hesitate when we asked for his help. You did not see the tortured expression on his face when your father lost your hand to Mr. Hawkin. He looked sick to the bone, and yet, there was a murderous gleam in his eyes I had never seen before.”

  Adelaide inhaled a sharp breath as her fears returned in full force. Had she been wrong about her husband? Was he as hot-tempered as her father and brother? Did he merely know how to hide that side of himself better?

  “I can see what you’re thinking,” Lady Elton observed, her eyes slightly narrowed as she watched Adelaide’s face, “and I can tell you that you’re wrong. Do not fear him. The anger in him only came from a place of deep affection, a deep desire to protect you, to ensure your safety. He would never be violent, not even when his father pushed him to the limit. Not even then did he harm my husband. Instead, he risked his life to save him. And I have no doubt he would risk it yet again in order to protect you.”

  Closing her eyes, Adelaide inhaled a deep breath. Her hands trembled even though her heart rejoiced. And yet, her own reaction only served to prove that her husband still frightened her, not because of his anger, but because he was a different man than her father. As much as she hated her life, hated the fear she constantly lived in, it had become normal. Now, living with a man who actually sought to protect her was terrifying in a strange way. It was the unknown that frightened Adelaide. What would her life be like now? What was expected of her? How ought she to behave?

  Her head spun with all the uncertainties that suddenly rushed toward her, and she had to clamp her teeth tightly together in order to keep herself upright.

  “He is a good man,” Lady Elton stressed once more, misinterpreting the reason for Adelaide’s undoubtedly pale cheeks. “His own doubts only serve to prove that. You have nothing to fear from him.”

  Was that true? Adelaide wondered. Certainly, she slowly came to believe−even in her heart−that he would not harm her, would not strike her or force himself against her will. Still, did that mean there was nothing to fear?

  Judging from the way her heart reacted these days whenever they crossed paths, Adelaide knew that there was a great deal to fear. Only now this fear was a completely new one. One that was unfamiliar to her, and therefore, all the more terrifying.

  Although she could see the affection between happily married couples like Lady Elton and her husband, Adelaide only ever saw it from the perspective of an outside observer. Whereas, the only marriage she had ever witnessed from a closer perspective was that of her own parents. Well, if her new husband was nothing like her father, then what kind of marriage did she now find herself in? Behind closed doors, how did Lady Elton and her husband−?

  “Addy!”

  Adelaide’s head snapped up at the sound of Tillie’s voice, her gaze swivelling back to the path in front of her. Not too far ahead, she saw her mother and grandmother strolling toward them, little Tillie running ahead, her arms spread wide as she raced toward Adelaide.

  In an instant, overwhelming joy replaced dread and doubt, and Adelaide felt her arms spread wide to receive the girl. Catching her, she spun her around in a circle, feeling Tillie’s little arms clinging to her tightly. “Oh, I’ve missed you, my girl!”

  “I’ve missed you, too,” Tillie beamed, snuggling closer.

  Holding the little girl in her arms, Adelaide closed her eyes, savouring the moment. When she would see Tillie again, she did not know. Although her grandmother had urged them to simply speak to Adelaide’s new husband about the girl, her mother had insisted they proceed cautiously.

  As Tillie was a bit of a rambunctious child, they had always had trouble keeping her in line and out of the earl’s way. Always had they feared that he would find himself annoyed with her and send her from his house.

  “What man would want a bastard child living in his house,” her mother had pointed out vehemently, “especially when it is not even his own? I doubt he would be welcoming to his brother-in-law’s illegitimate daughter.”

  Adelaide had hung her head at her mother’s undoubtedly correct reasoning. As kind as her husband seemed to be, there were certainly limits to his patience. Although Adelaide doubted that he would downright reject her, she wondered if he would not be bothered by her presence in his house. Would it not cast a bad light on his reputation? Especially after the scandal around his father’s death?

  As Tillie drew her toward the banks of the Serpentine, her little hand clinging to Adelaide’s, Adelaide flinched when out of the corner of her eye she thought to see someone she had not seen in a long time.

  Through the thicket of trees, her eyes widened as they stared, seeking to confirm whether or not her mind had played a trick on her. And yet, they could not. All she could determine through the branches and leaves was a group of people strolling down the path.

  Had it truly been him?

  Adelaide closed her eyes, praying that her mind had indeed merely conjured a ghost.

  Chapter Twenty-One − Longing

  All afternoon Matthew had found one reason or another to repeatedly stroll by the front entrance, his gaze drawn to the door, willing it to open and return his wife from her outing with Lady Elton. However, time passed−excruciatingly−slowly, and nothing happened.

  Supper time drew near, and Matthew began to grow restless. Had something happened to her? Ought he to go after her?

  Just when he was about to force his feet to return him to h
is study, the sound of wheels churning on cobblestone reach his ears. His head snapped up, and his heart skipped at least a beat−if not more. He had already taken two strides toward the door when he called himself to reason.

  If he were to yank open the door on her, his wife would certainly be frightened. Would she believe him controlling? Displeased with her afternoon’s excursion?

  Gritting his teeth, Matthew stopped halfway across the hall. No, he had to be patient, or all their progress would have been for nothing.

  A smile came to Matthew’s face when he remembered their afternoon in the library. The fire in her eyes. The shock on her face. The tentative smile that had barely been there.

  She was indeed radiant, and more than anything he wanted to see her fiery spirit and not her fearful timidity.

  Hearing his butler open the door and greet his wife, Matthew took a deep breath before approaching the door. “I see you have returned,” he greeted her, unable to keep his delight from his voice. “I hope you had a pleasant afternoon.”

  For a moment, a hint of fear crossed her face, and Matthew could have kicked himself. He ought to have returned to his study and not cornered her the moment she crossed the threshold.

  “I’m sorry, my lord,” she whispered, relinquishing her coat and bonnet to a footman. “I forgot the time. I promise it shall not happen again.” All the while, her gaze barely met his, but seemed to find something utterly fascinating on the hall’s floor.

  Swallowing, Matthew waited until they were alone before he approached her. Slowly her gaze rose to meet his, and yet, he did not see courage or defiance there. No, it was as though she feared if she did not look at him, it would anger him more.

  Nothing could be further from the truth. After all, he was far from angry. Quite on the contrary.

  “There is no reason to bow your head, my lady,” he whispered as he forced himself to keep his distance and merely smile at her in an encouraging way. “You have every right to see your friends and family, and I would never object to your going out.”