Once Upon a Temptingly Ruinous Kiss: #2 The Whickertons in Love Read online

Whickerton Grove, December 1802 (or a variation thereof)

  Later that same year

  Always had Leonora felt at peace at their family estate far out in the country. Especially in winter, she loved the house and the grounds, snow everywhere. She loved the soft crunch under her boots as she walked through the gardens, white wherever she looked, the sun glistening upon the ice on the trees and roofs. It seemed magical somehow, otherworldly, and every once in a while, Leonora experienced a moment like those she had known long ago.

  And yet, not much time had passed, had it? Not a year had passed since the night that had changed everything.

  Leonora’s gaze swept over her surroundings, touching upon all the sights that had once brought her joy. Now, however, that joy no longer felt true and unrestrained. Now, there was something dark lingering upon it, something Leonora could not explain, something she could not put into words. Unfortunately, as much as she had tried to forget, her mind still conjured the night at the masquerade whenever it chose. She had no control over it. Images or sounds would pop into her mind without warning. Once again, she would feel hands upon her, rough and demanding. She could not help but cringe at the memory, cursing herself for allowing something that was far from tangible to hold such power over her. After all, almost a year had passed! Should that not have been sufficient time to master these lingering emotions?

  “You cannot stay behind on your own,” Louisa stated rather vehemently, her blonde curls all but hidden in the fur-lined hood she had drawn upon her head. “Everyone is going. You will be utterly bored. Also, people might talk if you remained here all by yourself.”

  Leonora knew that Louisa meant well. Still, her sister’s words cut deep. Leonora knew that she ought to move on—had she not promised herself that very thing? Nevertheless, it seemed that she did not possess the strength or perhaps the determination to do so. “I know,” Leonora mumbled, watching the cloud of her breath drift away on the icy breeze. If only she could follow it. “What am I to do?” She turned to look at her sister, one of only a few people in this world who knew most what had happened that night. “I cannot imagine attending and…and…and…”

  Indeed, the mere thought of attending Lord Archibald’s Christmas house party threatened to send her into a panic. Leonora knew not why and hated that she could not find a way to rise above it. After all, what were memories if not simply thoughts? Unfortunately, the thought of mingling, of conversing with others, of others stepping closer…

  Leonora closed her eyes, willing the panic back down.

  Ever since that night, she had not ventured out into society. The Season had ended, and her family had retreated to their country estate soon after. At Whickerton Grove, Leonora had kept to herself, spending most of her time in her chamber or going for long walks through the countryside. Although her thoughts always turned back to that painful moment, she now knew how to bear it…at least when she was alone.

  Lord Archibald’s Christmas house party was always well-attended. Leonora knew so from personal experience. After all, her family had been attending every year for as long as she could remember. It had always been great fun, seeing friends and family, exploring the outdoors, skating upon the frozen lake and chasing each other through the snow. Only last year, her cousin Anne had gotten engaged at that very house party. Today, she and her husband were happier than Leonora had ever seen her.

  Before the masquerade, Leonora had secretly hoped that perhaps this year she too would meet someone special. Perhaps this year would see her under a sprig of mistletoe. Then, the thought had excited her and made her yearn. Now, however, it sent cold shivers down her back and fear into her heart.

  Leonora felt her sister’s hands grasp hers tightly, giving her a quick shake. “You will not be alone,” Louisa promised her, her voice solemn and the look in her green eyes passionate and compelling. “I promise I shall not leave your side. Nothing will happen. Trust me.”

  Looking into her sister’s eyes, Leonora wished that she possessed Louisa’s spirit. Indeed, the two sisters were like night and day. Louisa was fair and sparkling and full of light, her green eyes always shining with mischief. Leonora, on the other hand, always seemed to stand in her shadow. Her dark curls and pale blue eyes rarely drew anyone’s attention; neither did her curious mind, no doubt due to the countless questions that often flew from her tongue. In fact, more than one gentleman had regretted seeking her out, quickly bored by the thoughts that occupied Leonora’s mind.

  Perhaps, now, that would serve her, Leonora could not help but think. After all, she knew not who her attacker had been. It had been a masquerade, and his face as well as her own had been concealed behind masks. He could be anyone. Had she spoken to him before at one event or another? Had she danced with him before? Would she meet him at Lord Archibald’s Christmas house party?

  It was that thought that would not allow Leonora to return to society and pretend that nothing had happened. She knew that her family wondered. She knew that their acquaintances wondered. Yes, Leonora had retreated from the world and she could not imagine returning to it. Still, before long the questions would come, more insistent than the ones she had thus far heard. What would she say then?

  In truth, Leonora knew that she needed to try and reclaim her old life. Not even for those around her, but for herself. Ultimately, she needed to accept that she would never find out who her attacker had been, and she needed to make her peace with that. Somehow, she needed to make peace with that.

  “I know I cannot shut myself away for the rest of my life.” Leonora drew back her shoulders and tucked a dark brown curl back behind her ear as she met her sister’s fierce, green eyes. “And I do not want to.” A dark scoff left her lips, a bit of a hysterical chuckle following suit. “This is silly! Of course, nothing bad will happen. Nothing bad ever happened before. Not at a ball. Not with my parents, my grandmother, my family around.” She swallowed hard, willing herself to finally believe this. “Nothing will happen.”

  Nevertheless, despite every encouraging word she whispered to herself, Leonora knew that doubt remained in her heart. Would this wound ever heal? A wound she could not even see. A wound that was elusive and intangible. It was ludicrous, was it not? She ought to be fine. She truly and honestly ought to be fine.

  Willing her thoughts to remain in the here and now, Leonora finally agreed to attend and found herself stepping into the carriage only a few days later. She sat down next to Louisa, her eldest sister Juliet and Grandmother Edie across from them. She tried to smile and chat with them, allowed her gaze to stray to the window every once in a while, willing herself to be distracted, her thoughts to remain in the present and not run off to a future moment that might bring new panic.

  A future moment that might never come.

  After all, what was the probability of her meeting her attacker at Lord Archibald’s Christmas house party?

  Marginal at best.

  Indeed, the carriage ride was quite pleasant. It had been some time since Leonora had spent a longer period of time in her sisters’ company, and she realized that she had missed them. Retreating from the world had its drawbacks after all.

  “Perhaps I should play matchmaker yet again this year,” Louisa remarked with a smirk as her gaze moved from Leonora to their eldest sister Juliet. “You must admit I was quite successful where our dear cousin was concerned.”

  Leonora remembered well how her sister had maneuvered their poor cousin and her childhood friend under a sprig of mistletoe the year before. “In case you have forgotten,” Leonora remarked, grateful to have something other than her own misery to think about, “their kiss was rather disastrous. It looked remarkably…uncomfortable. Anne was all but inconsolable afterward.”

  Grandmother Edie chuckled. “Yet, the girl is married today, is she not?” Her brows rose teasingly as she looked at Leonora.

  Louisa laughed. “Thank you, Grandmother. I appreciate your support.”

  Again, their grandmother chuckled. “I call them as I see them. No need to thank me for speaking the truth.” Then a wide yawn stretched over her face, and she rested her head against the side wall, closing her eyes. Before long, the sounds of deep slumber drifted from her lips.

  The three sisters smiled at one another before Louisa turned to look at Juliet. “Perhaps I should try to match you this year.” Her gaze drifted meaningfully to their grandmother. “Perhaps if we all work together, we can manage to dislodge her hold on you long enough for you to find a suitor.”

  For a reason none of them understood, Grandma Edie had made it a habit of holding on to their eldest sister at each and every outing or societal event. Poor Juliet could not take a single step without their grandmother glued to her side. In consequence, at the advanced age of seven and twenty, Juliet was still unmarried. In fact, most of society believed her to be on the shelf for good.

  A tentative smile flitted across Juliet’s face before she shook her head softly. “There is no need,” she told Louisa. Still, an inkling of regret lingered in her soft gaze. “I am perfectly content with the way things are. Please, don’t worry about me for I truly enjoy being our grandmother’s companion.”

  Louisa scoffed, her brows drawing down, clearly signaling that she did not believe a word Juliet had said. “We shall see.”

  Juliet tensed, and Leonora noted concern coming to her eyes, the muscles in her jaw tightening ever so slightly. “Please, do not worry yourself on my account. I assure you I’m perfectly—”

  “Yes, I heard you the first time, dear sister,” Louisa exclaimed, all but throwing up her hands in exasperation. “However, I cannot believe that you truly mean what you say. How can you not dream of love and marriage? You of all people should be a mother. Do you not feel any desire to have children?”

/>   The smile upon Juliet’s face seemed far from genuine, the corners of her lips tight and her eyes unblinking. “I will be perfectly happy doting on yours,” she assured Louisa before her gaze moved to Leonora. “On all of yours.”

  Leonora felt a cold chill dance down her spine at the suggestion that she might find a husband and have children one day. Always had it seemed like a normal part of life. Something that would eventually happen down the line. Now, however, everything was different. What once had seemed natural, now seemed impossible. The thought of allowing any man to step closer than an arm’s length away—which was already a distance much too short in Leonora’s opinion—was utterly unthinkable.

  Even now, after months had passed, she still awoke in the middle of the night, the feeling of hands upon her body lingering even after she found a way out of the nightmare that held her in its clutches. It was the strangest sensation, and it made the notion of being close to anyone in an intimate way all but impossible. Would she ever marry? Or was she to remain unmarried for the rest of her life, never a wife, never a mother?

  Fortunately, most of the carriage ride passed in a cheerful manner. The sisters discussed who might be in attendance, looking forward to meeting friends and acquaintances whom they had not seen in weeks. Every so often, though, Louisa’s utterances included none other than Phineas Hawke, Viscount Barrington, the man who no doubt held her heart. Leonora had been watching those two dance around one another for the past year or two. They had been all but enemies in the beginning, a misunderstanding between them, driving them apart. However, lately, it seemed that they had found common ground.

  Phineas Hawke would be at the Christmas house party as well, and Leonora wondered if this year Louisa might be the one who would find herself proposed to. Leonora truly hoped that it would be so for she knew how deeply her sister felt for the dashing viscount. Indeed, they were a perfect match, both spirited and passionate, particularly about one another.

  When the carriage finally rolled up the drive toward Windmere Park, Leonora felt unease creep into every part of her being. Her hands felt ice-cold, and a soft shiver continued to dance across her skin. She felt her whole body tense, putting up every effort to counteract the tremors, an echo of her nightmares.

  Louisa’s hand settled upon Leonora’s clenched fist. “All will be well,” Louisa whispered, her kind green eyes looking into Leonora’s as she lifted her chin. “I’m here. Don’t worry. I’m here.”

  Leonora managed a small smile for her sister, grateful beyond words to have someone here with her who knew, who understood. Apart from Louisa and Grandma Edie as well as Phineas Hawke, no one knew what had happened that night. In fact, it had been Phineas who had found them at the masquerade and come to Leonora’s rescue. Still, her attacker had gotten away, his identity a mystery they would never solve.

  “Have we finally arrived?” Grandma Edie asked with a yawn as her eyes blinked open and she pushed herself upward. “About time.”

  One by one, they disembarked from the carriage, stepping out onto the swept cobblestones leading up to the front door. Snow covered every surface around them, glistening in the sun like a sea of diamonds. Leonora felt good, and a spark of Christmases long ago bloomed in her heart, reminding her of the joy she had always found in this place. How would she find it this year?

  As they stepped into the front hall, leaving the icy cold air behind, Lord Archibald stepped toward them, a wide grin upon his face. “Welcome!” He spread his arms wide, his brown eyes warm as ever. “I had hoped you would make it in time for tonight’s games.”

  Louisa was about to voice her delight when the door opened once more, allowing their parents and younger sisters to enter. They had been in another carriage, traveling close behind them. Leonora watched as her father and Lord Archibald embraced one another, old friends, all but considering one another family. Her two youngest sisters, Christina and Harriet, seemed rather bored as well as relieved finally to be able to step out of the confines of the carriage. Then the door opened once more, and in stepped none other than Phineas Hawke, accompanied by his brother Tobias as well as his wife and their cousin Anne. Leonora’s only brother Troy was the last one to enter the large foyer.

  Finally, they were all assembled, together once again after such a lengthy journey.

  Lord Archibald stepped forward to greet them all, and in doing so, he moved past Leonora, his arm almost brushing hers. Still, Leonora felt it as though he had all but shoved her aside. He had not touched her, and yet, he had stepped too close. He had done nothing wrong, his only intention to greet her family, and yet, Leonora felt the flame of panic lick higher.

  Again, Louisa’s hand settled upon her arm. “Take a deep breath,” her sister mumbled, her watchful green eyes once more upon Leonora.

  Leonora looked up at her sister, grateful beyond all measure. “This is silly,” she mumbled under her breath, deeply disappointed in herself. “It was nothing. It…”

  Louisa’s hand upon her arm tightened reassuringly, offering comfort. “Do not chide yourself,” she whispered, leaning closer so the others would not hear. “You have every right to feel the way you do. There’s nothing wrong with it.”

  Leonora loved her sister for saying so even though she knew she did not believe so herself. She was disappointed. She was frustrated. She was exasperated. When would it ever stop? After all, nothing had truly happened! Yes, a masked stranger had put his hands on her. However, she had not been injured in any way. Her body was still whole, and yet, parts of her seemed tormented beyond repair. How was she to heal something she could not even make sense of herself?

  In that moment, Leonora felt completely overwhelmed, realizing that coming to Windmere Park this year had been a huge mistake. How was she to keep her secret when the mere presence of a man unhinged her in such a profound way? What if someone addressed her? Simply asked after her summer? Or commented upon the weather? Would she be able to answer? Or would she melt down, panic rising, threatening to overwhelm her?

  Leonora forced a deep breath down her lungs, doing her best to concentrate on nothing but the feel of her sister’s warm hand upon her arm. She was not alone. And yet, she had never felt so alone in her life. For as much as Louisa did her best to comfort her, to offer counsel and advice, she did not know how it felt to be tormented by these memories. Was there anyone in this world who did?

  Chapter Two

  A Rare Woman

  Drake spent two days at Windmere Park before the friend who had asked him here finally arrived. Normally, he would not attend a house party, preferring to spend the Christmas season on his own, far away on his remote estate where he would not be forced to look upon smiling faces and see what was hidden beneath. Part of Drake wished that he had never acquired the ability to see what was truly there, hiding behind masks of tight smiles and widened eyes.

  Looking out the window, Drake watched the many guests walking through the snow, strapping on their skates and heading toward the frozen lake. Merriment was in the air, laughter echoing here and there; Drake kept on wondering which of the sounds he heard were true and which were deceptive.

  “There you are,” a deep voice exclaimed from behind him before its owner stepped across the threshold and then closed the door. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” A chuckle could be heard. “I suppose, I should’ve known I would find you here, alone, far away from everyone else. This is how you like it, is it not?”

  Inhaling a deep breath, Drake slowly turned away from the window, his gaze falling upon a man his own age, a man he had not seen in years, but knew well. “Phineas Hawke in the flesh,” Drake remarked dryly, uncertain how he felt about hearing from his old classmate after an eternity of silence. “You have not changed a bit, it would seem.” Indeed, Phineas Hawke, Viscount Barrington, was a cheerful, lighthearted, endearing man, who often spoke too fast and possessed a bit of a wicked streak. Yet, Drake knew better than anyone that at his core Phineas was a good man. A man who knew the meaning of kindness and compassion, and to Drake, that was worth more than anything else in the world.